


Hey, i love you. (did you know?)

by purpleraindr0ps



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, KaiXing, M/M, a lil bit of romance, bitter sweet romance, but still relevant, fanxing - Freeform, i guess?, idk anymore, if there is such a thing, the fanxing here is very minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 04:53:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9219704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleraindr0ps/pseuds/purpleraindr0ps
Summary: They say that it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! alright, so I'm doing something that I've never done before, and honestly I am a little apprehensive about the end result but oh wells. no harm trying right?
> 
> Basically, instead of a fully fleshed out fic, this will be more like..snippets and scenes. So yes, instead of getting a full picture, you'll get an incomplete jigsaw puzzle.
> 
> Kind of? 
> 
> Use your imagination to help you fill in the gaps.
> 
> I sincerely apologize if this gets confusing, but if you're still willing to give this a shot, you have my heartfelt thanks :)
> 
> A "*" denotes a gap.

Yixing finds himself on the steps leading to the roof of the apartment building where he resides – the stairway to heaven as he likes to call it sometimes. And in a way, funnily and strangely enough, it really is a stairway to heaven. Because when he’s on the rooftop, Yxing feels like he’s on top of the world. The view beneath his sneaker-clad feet stretches on for miles, and he can see everything from this incredible height – all the vehicles on the granite roads, looking very much like specks and moving dots of colour cruising along the intersecting and criss-crossing slabs of never ending grey.

 

He can see other towering buildings - rectangles in different shades of green, blue, yellow, and red, all complete with smaller rectangles and squares for windows. Trees that looked uncannily like shrubs of broccoli.

And when he looks up to the sky, squinting so as to not get blinded by the glaring starbeams, he’d hold up his right hand – tiny gaps between the pale fingers, and admire the shimmering sparkles on his hand. Diamonds, shining and dancing jewels, he would fondly call them.

 

 *

 

Yixing smiles when he feels the cool night air ruffle the strands of his hair and gently caress his skin. He slowly walks over to the edge and carefully settles down cross-legged.

He shifts his gaze downwards to the world below and is immediately greeted by obnoxiously bright lights.. Yixing hears the hustle and bustle of the busy streets, the sound of life. He hears loud jarring noises, sees bright flashing lights and a smile slowly spreads out across the panes of his face. Seoul, a city that never sleeps. And indeed it doesn’t, trawling with life with every single tick of the clock.

 

*

 

"Sit with me?"

 

“Uh,” Jongin says – hesitation in his voice, “I’ll just stand if you don’t mind.” The elder pouts slightly and he hurries to add, “No offense of course. I mean, this is my first time here and well, I’d prefer to be on my feet? Um yeah.”

Yixing giggles softly at the look of uncertainty on his companion’s face and offers him an outstretched hand. “Go on, take my hand,” he says serenely. “I won’t let you fall, I promise.”

 

*

 

Jongin worries his bottom lip with his teeth before taking the proffered hand in his. “Promise?” he whispers.

“Promise. I won’t let you fall, Jongin. Trust me,” Yixing replies with a reassuring smile and a light squeeze of his hand.

 

*

 

“You don’t have to hold on so tightly. Relax, don't be afraid, you’re safe with me.”

 

*

 

Jongin shifts his gaze to the black ahead of him.

_I’m not afraid though, not really. I’m just holding on because –_

 

_*_

 

“You’re cute. Did you know? Has anyone ever told you?”

Jongin blinks and turns to face the older boy, confusion swirling in his dark orbs. He sees that Yixing has his gaze trained on him, watching him intently - soft and tender. His stomach churns uncomfortably.

 

*

 

A small frown appears on Yixing’s face as he says softly. “That’s what I wonder too. How on earth is a guy like you still single? I don’t get it, I really don’t. Or are your standards too high?”

The younger man shrugs. “I don’t think I have standards that are ridiculously high. I mean, I think they’re okay. Well I hope so anyways.”

 

“The thing is…” he hesitates – looking down at his fingers, “I once met this person and – he’s pretty fucking perfect in my eyes. And well, everyone else just seems so dull in comparison after him. You’re probably thinking that I’m such a pathetic person, but I can’t help what I feel.”

 

*

 

Yixing’s smile grows fond. “Well, I once thought that the sun shone out of Xiao Lu’s ass. It’s a pretty cute butt all things considered but yeah.”

 

Jongin’s mouth drops open. “Lu Han hyung?” he splutters. “But he’s so... _Lu Han_.”

Yixing laughs at that. “Exactly. That’s why we didn’t work out in the end, and he’s been relegated from future perfect husband to annoying best friend extraordinaire. I still love him though, just not in the way I thought I would, if that counts for anything.”

 

*

 

Jongin frowns lightly and his gaze goes back down to his fingers. “Then how,” he says, “how did you get over him?”

 

“It took quite a while, but I realised that I wasn’t doing anyone good by stubbornly holding on. So I did what I had to do.

 

I let go.”

 

 

*

 

There are tears prickling at the edges of Jongin’s eyes. He hastily wipes them away with the back of hand, not willing to look up.

 

_You said that it’s okay for me to hold on as tightly as I want, so why are you telling me something else now?_

 

“Jongin? You alright?” he hears the concern in the older boy’s soft voice and his wasted heart clenches once more.

“I don’t think – I don’t think I’m strong enough to let him go,” Jongin whispers to his lap. _And even if I am, I don’t want to. I’m going to hold on._

Yixing silently tightens his hold on Jongin’s hand and starts drawing small circles into the tan skin with his thumb. The latter looks up to find a small smile playing on his lips.

 

“It’ll take time,” Yixing murmurs as he reaches over his free hand to brush away the stray strands of hair from Jongin’s teary orbs. “But eventually you’ll find someone else. Somebody who truly belongs to you and only you.”

 

 _But what if I don’t want to find someone else? What if there’s no one else?_   Jongin bites his lip.

 

“You found my brother,” he says simply. 

 

“Yes, I found him. And I’ve never been happier in my life to know that I’ve found the person whom I want to spend the rest of my life with,” Yixing says with a smile so wide and bright it made his whole being brighten.

 

Something beneath Jongin’s ribcage tears and his heart struggles for air.

 

*

 

Yixing blinks at him.“You don’t even have to ask. Come here.”

 

Jongin lets go of Yixing’s hand and dives into Yixing’s outstretched arms. He hears a soft chuckle as his arms wind tightly around the elder’s waist. He feels a hand run through his hair as he buries his face into the other man’s pale neck, breathing in the intoxicating scent.

 

His heart breathes its last.

 

 

*

 

 

“Yixing? Jongin? What you two doing?”

 

“Your baby brother and I were having a heart to heart,” Yixing chirps – eyes dancing and dimple indenting deeply into a soft cheek. “Jongin’s like a brother to me too you know?”

 

_Brother. Am I really just a brother to you? Nothing more?_

 

*

 

Yixing pouts. "I cannot believe you. Why would you be jealous of Jongin? Should i kiss you to make up for it? I don't mind."

 

Kris throws a glance in his bother's direction.

 

Jongin forces himself to smile. _Go ahead. Don't worry about me._

 

*

 

Jongin’s stomach lurches and he feels like throwing up.

 

*

 

 

Yixing was _glowing._

 

He doesn’t notice that he’s staring until Kris gives an awkward cough and says to him. “Jongin? Dude, do you think I could steal Xing from you? Like, now?” he pauses to think. “You guys have finished your chat I assume?”

 

_How can you steal something from me when it doesn’t belong to me in the first place?_

 

The youngest plasters on a smile and replies softly, “Of course, he’s all yours.” _Yours, not mine. Not anymore._

 

Kris shoots him a look, a look that clearly screams ‘are you sure?’ He shifts his gaze to the side, unwilling to let his older brother see the anguish swimming in his orbs. No, he cannot be that selfish.

 

“Are you coming with us, Jongin?” Yixing directs the question at him.

 

Jongin closes his eyes tiredly and turns away. _Please just go._

_No, don’t go. Don’t leave. Stay with me, please._

 

_*_

 

He feels a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. _Just go Kris, I’ll be alright._

 

*

 

 

Jongin waits till he hears footsteps getting farther and farther away before he slowly turns his head around, cheeks wet with tears.

He sees Yixing point up to the speckled sky and hears him whisper to Kris, “Isn’t it beautiful?” as the two older boys made their way down the stairs, the elder’s arm slung protectively around the younger’s back, long fingers curling possessively around a shoulder.

 

“Yes,” he thinks, “absolutely beautiful.” His fast blurring gaze is trained on Yixing’s lean figure, dark eyes never leaving the retreating back. “You’re so beautiful, Yixing, so beautiful it's killing me.”

 

Jongin wipes his drowning orbs and turns back around. He looks up to the sky and whispers into the wind.

 

 

“Make it stop, please. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

 

*

 

 

_Once upon a time, you were mine. You belonged to me, and my arms were your home._

 

_Do you remember any of it? I do._

 

_Once upon a time seems so far away, like a distant memory – a fading dream._

 

_I remember every second of it as if it was just yesterday._

 

_A dream; or a nightmare? I find myself asking time after time, over and over again._

 

_I have yet to find an answer. Perhaps I never will._

 

_They say that it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all._

_Is it really though?_

_I have loved you, and I have lost you as well._

_I tell myself that if I could turn back time, I would not love you._

_Just so I can spare myself the pain and heartache I’m feeling right now._

_But I know that with just one look at the smile on your face, one glance at the soft dancing lights in your eyes, one glimpse at the blooming rose on your ivory cheeks, and I’d fall for you all over again._

_I’d fall faster and deeper than anyone else. I’d take the fall for you, only for you._

_Because I love you. I still do._

_And if I could, I’d shout it out to the universe for everyone to know._

_I love you I love you I love you._

_I would do anything to hear you whisper those words to me. I would go through hell to have those three words fall from your lips._

_Just once. One more time, that’s all I’m asking._

 

_I love you, Yixing._

_So tell me, what must I do to have you back in my arms?_

_What must I do to make you love me again?_

_Hyung..please tell me.._

_What can i do to make you mine once more?_

 

*

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and/or kudos are very very much appreciated!
> 
> I'd love to know what you thought of this <3
> 
> also! I've recently reopened my [twitter](https://twitter.com/purpleraindr0p), so if you wanna talk or w/e, feel free to hit me up :3
> 
> fic ideas are welcomed too! ^^


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